I know we inherently like to dance, but it is a little weird to be 54 and going to a circuit party. The bars are there but the men are older. Many men there are retired, they have friends, do dinners, go on vacations, have homes. Gay men over 40 need to start building a culture for themselves, Palm Springs is a good start. I get that, but I would hope that I could enjoy the world at large and not just the gay bar at my age. But I have friends that want me to go, tell me I am not dead. I have not stepped into a gay bar since 40. This is not a new problem and many many gay guys know when its time to grow up. What we didn’t take into consideration is that “PROLONGED ADOLESCENCE” is not attractive when one hit 40’s. I am 54, let me explain to the little one.
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Silver lining (AIRLINE MILES)… Oh well, I have to admit that I did roll my eyes when I read the article, or scanned it because who the hell has time to read anything? In summation, 1) we are a community that is aging out in full view and need better shit, 2) Give the guy a break everyone needs to make a $$, 3) There is no such thing as a dating pool, it just happens stop being so effing tribal. Now we have a relationship that consists of phone calls, phone-conferences and 75% travel. I love getting home to my better half, and because of this economy, that is the one thing that I do miss. What I do know is that I do not miss my 20’s and I sure as hell do not miss clubbing several times a week.
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Maybe we need wood paneled professional cigar bars, with marble flooring and comfy lounge like leather chairs? Who knows. Maybe the problem is that we as a community need better clubs and bars. This I attribute to… wait what the eff do I know I’m only 3o and I am not an effing anthropologist. This is not just a gay issue, I know a slew of heterosexual men in their 40s who still live trapped in their 20s. Personally, one of my fave things to do at the gay bars is strike up convos with those “elder gays” – you know, the ones who came out decade(s) before me, who opened the doors for all of us, and helped give us a com minty and culture and place of congregation in the first place. go to Woody’s, go to any bar that functions as a gay watering-hole congregation place not a nightclub, and you’ll see All Our Brothers – of all ages. The blogger, however, is just making broad strokes to gain attention. you can’t fixate on the impermanence of youth. So, he was only “invisible” in the sense that he himself was not interested in guys his own age. who tend, by and large, to usually be into other guys their own age.
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the man’s real issue, that he ignored? he only had eyes for early-20s twinks. I used to bartend in NYC, and a regular customer (in his mid 40s) was always coming in, complaining about how “invisible you become when you turn 40” – which was a shock to me, at age 26, as i had a 41 year old lover. While no doubt worded to gain controversy, a point he makes (and would have made better without saying “over 40”) is that there’s a time and place for being real about what you want in life.
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I mean, we ALL know that if it wasn’t for gay men over 40, bar owners (who are ALL OVER 40) wouldn’t be open long – AND, who do you think is really paying for those “free drinks on tuesday nights from 9pm-11pm? ahahaha It’s just meant to be incendiary – and clearly it worked. I really don’t give much credence to the validity of this article. I think you know where i’m going on this. – all men with HIV got it because they are reckless whores – effeminate gay men give all gay men a bad reputation – PrEP is just a green light for men to be the bareback whores that all men are – all guys on apps and websites are ONLY looking for sex Such glittering generalities (look it up, it’s a type of writing style) like “if you’re over 40 you should stay out of gay bars” are similar to other such shit-storm-generating topics like: When i read blogs/posts/articles with far too many statements including the words: ALL, MUST, etc – that’s a “red flag” for me that the author is attempting to kick the virtual gay bee’s nest. FIRST, let’s remember that blogs/articles like the one in question are written to GENERATE ATTENTION/FOLLOWERS.